Let's do a book review on the last 3 books which I have read, and which I feel has helped me a significant bit in my understanding of people;
What's the main idea behind "His Needs Her Needs"?
- That everyone has a love-bank. In every social interaction, and we're not just talking about love relationships here but every form of communication, we deposit and take away certain amount of love-points. This is based on our likes, dislikes, priority, mood, character traits, needs etc. Hence, if we meet someone that keeps consistently depositing love-points into our bank, we associate him or her with a good feeling. Hence we are more likely to form a positive relationship with that somebody. Also, it draws on the responsibility we have to deposit love-points to those that we are committed to love, whether they be a spouse, family or friends. This is not to be brought to a deliberate point of servitude, but rather knowing that relationships needs to be maintain and not left alone to "weed-out". Knowing this concepts would then help the reader to address needs in the other person's life, because you know that we cannot insist on our needs, but we have to consider others; underlying, people's needs are all different from our own. When we fail to meet these needs, the fact is these needs are still left bare, and hence the person is left to fill the needs somewhere else. This is the cause of marital affairs. A rather technical but surprisingly easy to read book, that brings out facts that are so common-place, you would think "Why didn't I think of it that way?"
Then what's the main idea behind "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"?
- Personally, I feel that the whole book is an extended expounding on a single principle, that "The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment." It offers an adequate framework for someone to follow, to have a godly, sanctified view about relationships. It expounds on the fact that firstly, one has to evaluate the different aspects of his or her life, and to consider the gravity of responsibility in going into a relationship. Not just the joy of the act of getting into one, but the work and sacrifice one has to put in in providing. It also advocates that in getting into a relationship, one has to have the end in mind, and not just the means. That is, one should only get into a relationship if one has and is ready for marriage, and not just to "test water". The advocacy of "Courtship", is to have the end, which is marriage, in mind within the means (courtship), and not a means to an end. The world's idea of "Trail and error" is marred, while biblical "get yourself ready as an individual for God to present you tested and proven to the world" is held up. Single hood is a gift and season for the greatest personal development one has in life.
What about "boy meets girl"?
- This book builds and expands on the framework offered by "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", through examples, case-studies, offering a more practical and doable approach. This approach is packaged in what is called "Courtship". It proposes that the world's understanding of dating has been severely perverted, that we need to return to the somewhat old-fashion, but full of wisdom stance of courtship. In its essence, courtship is trying out for marriage in two ready persons; and even if it doesn't work out well, it can be still considered a successful courtship if the couple is able to look back and be glad that they tried, God is pleased, and everything within the courtship is done to the best ability to serve and protect the other person. No one has the right to claim exclusivity of other person, whether it be time, emotions, sacrifice, until after marriage. It preaches a safe, progressive, accountable, step-by-step, move towards marriage. Underlying principle, everything done in a relationship has to be done with a purpose and end in mind. If it doesn't help, don't do it or say it. Guard your heart and the other person's by not speaking about the future, because it is uncertain, only about getting to know the person better in the now. Purpose driven courtship; pray and evaluate self, seek wisdom and consent from parents, church leaders and friends, pray more, get into it with guidelines and set out boundaries, and only move into more intimacy when you're ready to match with equal commitment, ultimately leading to marriage.
Aren't these stance a little too methodological?
- In a way yes. But considering how frail and easily tempted men and women are to progress beyond what is healthy, plus the influence we are having through the media on what, how and when relationships should happen (which is too fast and unrestrained, lack of wisdom), these methods on boundary setting, accountability and safe prodding would only serve us good in the long run.
Some people choose not to pick up "boy meets girl", thinking that they should only read it when they are ready, on the terms of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".(IKDG) What do you think?
- I think one should read "boy meets girl" immediately after reading IKDG. IKDG provides a framework, but "boy meets girl" provides the flesh. In fact, I felt reading IKDG, that it was rather juvenile, and lacks depth. It leaves you hanging with more questions than answers. Yet, considering that IKDG was written by Joshua Harris when he was only 21, then one can appreciate the boldness and wisdom exercised by him. IKDG was sparked by his disappointment of self and his friend's views on dating. At best, it is a reflectionary work based on a present problem. "Boy meet girl" on the other hand, was sparked by his own marriage to his wife, Shannon. It is retrospective and prescriptive. What I really liked about "boy meets girl", was that it gives you a wholesome feeling after reading it, underlying the book, is this; Our love for God is our total reliance, and out of that love, will flow love from and to other people. IKDG provided the charge, "boy meets girl" made it real.
Who should read these books?
- These books are definately worth buying and keeping. I recommend it to everyone. One should read through them once when you're single. This would help you have a strategy and most importantly, self-control in the matter, and not have nagging hope or unfound expectations. Read "boy meets girl" together when you're attached to realign your self and "His Needs Her Needs" many times after when you're married to keep it strong.
So after reading these books, do you think you're ready for a relationship?
- Nope. The ironic thing about knowledge is that, the more you know, the more you realise you don't know.
.jpg)
