Funny E-mail! You will like this!

A child was asked to write a

book report on the entire Bible. 

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. 

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. 

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. 

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.  Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.  Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.  Moses led the Israel Lights out of  Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people.  These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. 

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.  Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. 

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.  Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David.  He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. 

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.  There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is the star of The New.  He was born  in  Bethlehem  in a barn.  (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.  His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Timing + Path Way

In the last 4 days, 2 themes have constantly come up time and again in different people's conversations; on timing and the decisions, or paths, in which one decides to walk in.

Solomon in the bible says "there is a season to everything", and God says, as long as the world remains, seed-time and harvest will remain. Therefore if we are to live well, and I'm not talking about prospering, but just having a progressing life, we have to understand and appreciate this concept. In my observation, life is sequential in this order; 

a) Actualisation (Revelation)

b) Preparation (Sowing)

c) Incubation (Waiting)

d) Realisation (Reaping) 

What's the problem then? God made everything good in it's essence, and functionality and operationality comes naturally. Therefore actualisation stage, or the understanding that we have to do something, or things can be processed into workable products, comes fairly easy. Boy John grows up and realise that riding a bicycle would probably be fun and decides to learn how to ride a bicycle. 

God made man to dream and receive visions. If there's one thing every man, regardless of social strata or locale can do, it is to dream and hope. Thus, man in his mind, would jump from step A, actualisation, to desiring in his heart, step D, realisation. Although not in reality, his or her heart, and soon his or her mind, would linger on step D, ignoring step B and C. It seems there is an in-built understanding on the difficulty and attempt on escaping step B and C. Every child, with little or no exposure to the "Social", would whine and fight against Work. John thinks about riding the bike but hates falling down.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Here's lies the problem. Without a full understanding and appreciation of "seed-time" and "harvest", people falter and give up. "My people perish because of ignorance." This is so true. "Giving up", can also be called "compromise", "back-sliding" or "choosing the narrow path." In every race, visualising the ending line or goal is tantamount to not only finishing the race, but more importantly in this context, staying on the race. John is faced with a choice, continue trying and risk the hurt of falling, or deciding riding a bicycle "is just not his thing."

The longest step in "seed-time and harvest" would most definitely be C, incubation. What about B, preparation? Sometimes step B is as long as step C, yet because there is work involved in step B, it doesn't seem as long. Step C is a time where the "farmer", that's you and me, steps back and allow nature to take its course. Its a time where you know, nothing you do can improve its growth, you can only hinder. It takes faith! It takes trust. This is where people falter and give up. Take detours to the "wider" path. It's tough, no one can deny. "Why so long?", "I don't deserve this," "I can't take it anymore," "Maybe a easier path would be better for me," "I could do without this, its not worth fighting for."

Waiting builds character. It is God's way of training his people. No army goes head-on to battle. I'm reminded of my time in police. It takes 2 weeks to plan an operation, 1 week to prepare, 1 week to wait for the guy to turn up, and 3 seconds to arrest him. What??? A month in exchange for 3 seconds? Yes. Fruits are hard to bear. 

A wise farmer would use the waiting time to build up; to get more Revelation and to prepare for Realisation. Whatever situation you are in, don't give up. Recession is the best time for training. Tired is the best time to praise. A low love-bank is the best time to give. What's so great about giving in excess? An empty store-house is positioning itself for harvest. Lack builds hunger, space allows fire to burn, waiting cultivates patience and value is realised in absence. 

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. - 1 Cor 9:24-25

Whatever situation you're in, I gotta be honest, no one on earth can and will ever fully understand. We can only empathise. But God understands. Don't give up! Don't give in! 

Does John ride a bicycle? 

 

Dino! the Dashing Dachshund!

Here's the new addition to the family! Dino is Dashingly Cute and Brave! He's a Dachshund, or what's commonly known as a "sausage dog"! He arrived home on the 5th of Febuary at about 7pm. I was away at a meeting and only got home at 11am to see him and the little boy took my breathe away!  

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See what I mean! How do you ignore that look?!

He's a young 4 months old puppy, small and all ready to go!

He barks when he needs but most of the time he whines...So cute right?!

“If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.”

Mathematical metasomatism

PS3257 POLITICAL INQUIRY : AN INTRODUCTION is a
Statistics class in disguise!

Graphs, area under graph, standard deviation, co-efficients,
intercepts, standard error, contingency table...the nightmare
is coming back!

(Why did you take a Statistics class???!!! Are you mad?)

Well, I hope I am not. Apparently the above module
is a requirement to be a Political Science major,
the other being the introductory module.

Electoral behaviour, policy implementation,
succession acceptance, polls,
death,births, rate and locale of war, frequency of war and
civil wars etc. etc. tend to be presented in charts and graphs.

(So what do we do now?)

Rekindle my friendship with "Calculator" and "graph-paper",
buy a longer rule and dig out curve-rule.

and Endure!

“We shall match your capacity to inflict suffering with our capacity to endure suffering. Do to us what you will and we shall continue to love you.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“You never know what God has instore for you, if you hide behind the friendship...sometimes it takes risking that friendship to find a love that will endure all things.”