What I learnt in 2008...

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, 
      But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." - Proverbs 13:12

We're all people in waiting. We wait for the promises to come. We wait for breakthrough. We believe and wait for change. We wait for the full revelation of God. We wait for Christ to come back. 

2008 has been the toughest year for me yet. I have been faced with every fear, insecurity, demon, weakness, strength that I have ever known in my life this year. This year has been interesting, it could be marked into two zones, before the NUS "The Happening" Camp and after. Many of the impactful things that happened, and things I'm gonna write about, happened after. Here are some things to be grateful for and some observations;

- Many foundational plans were set into motion this year, and in my mind I know how it would end, at times God shows me vision and dreams. The desire is strong but patience and time is needed to see fruition. Certain things only time can cure and unveil. The plans for NUS, people's lives, extent of CityCare, personal wants and desires. Its hard to wait, and I learnt that time is the greatest test of character and strength. Anyone can bash through a wall, no matter how thick. It takes a certain type of people to constantly watch for the right time to move. Both Joseph and Serene gave me this verse, thanks guys, it helped me alot. 

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." - James 1:2-4

- We shouldn't ask "God, why me?" The root of this statement is blame towards God, reflecting a lack of trust. We should be asking, "God, what do you want me to do?" We should count it all joy when we are made to wait with a vision and desire. Too many people messed up by rushing things. I have only heard of people getting into trouble by moving too fast, rarely moving too slow. Takes things easy. Ai Zai. 

- It's perfectly normal to want to be alone to collect oneself. Many time, especially guys, think that have to be strong (or perceived to be) and push down their emotions. When Jesus heard about the be-heading of John, He took a moment away from his disciples and the people to mourn and cry. When Jeremiah was confronted by Jezebel, he took time alone in the mountains. It is healthy to our soul, mental and emotional health to have times of isolation. Just don't stay there forever. Collect and move on. 

- We have to understand that we serve a wounded Savior. It is through the wounds that the full revelation and love of God is revealed, that God is reconciled to His people, because He understands our pain and got out of it. When we were young, we were faced with right or wrong decisions. But as we grow older and wiser, it is facades of grey; all seems to be great and right! It's what is the right, good and perfect will of God that we need to be careful in choosing. Faced with all the good, which is the best? Prayer and fasting equals to waiting. 

- All things are possible with God. God hardly works alone. Most of the time he works with people. Therefore; all things are possible with godly and loving people. I never really had friends, true friends. You know what I mean. After "The Happening" camp, i got touched by people who genuinely cared and crazy enough to ask me out for supper in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks to Changhan who is truly a brother, my long lost twin Quanhan, my essay buddy JingXuan, Geraldine and Berri, my sister in crime Liwei, Diwei, Yuantai, Joseph that injected spontaneity in my life, pats Serene, Jaydee, Joyce Seek, Amanda Faith, Myrna, Cecilia Koh See Su Um ah!!!, Yun Rui, and my fellow leaders, Shan Shan, Angeline and Lichuan, Marc, Sutiean, Annie, Veron; thanks to Johnson and your advice, Simon Peter and your encouragement, Joshua Ming Koon for the brotherly love, Dwayne for the Avengers, Chew yan for the Chewing, Sheryl for giving me the best shock in 2008 ...and many many many more.... At the end of the day, when everything dies down, friendship is what that matters. Friendship and relationship is what we bring up to heaven. Fight for it with your life. 

- It brings security and peace to know someone knows you in and out. Besides my parents, there's Veron who could look at me and say "I know what you're thinking and feeling..." Amazing. Obviously you have been praying a lot for me. Thank you so much and please continue praying for me. It makes me a better man.

- God restores beyond what we can think and imagine. Many people don't know that I struggled a lot with the NUS ministry. I was Meridian JC first school IC and failed miserably, didn't do anything significant. Told myself better not lead any thing beside CG. When the vision for NUS came, first words out of my mouth was, "Great idea God, now who is going to do it?" Special thanks to all the people in NUS-CHC, especially the faculty i/cs and Bro Darren for believing in me. 

- Passion and love is when you're faced with a circumstance, and you drop all pretense and social expectations. You become your true self, all gittery, nervous and in awe. After it, you will think back and wonder, why was I nervous. Remember the first time your teacher ask you to stand infront of the class; first time you won in a game, first time you received a present? The time your efforts paid off? Never lose that feeling, that passion. It is the core of life, the joy of living.

Something in me tells me 2009 is just going to be great. My emotions seems to be pegged to the economy, its currently in a recession after all the challenges of 2008. 2008 is monumental and it set the stage for many things in my life, which would take years ahead to resolve. I'm believing for great things, that all things will work out for the good for those who love God. 

Looking at the staging of the world, a new American president, China finally opening up, ASEAN strengthening, and the world economy at a new point of dynamics, I can only say, "God, lets go on an adventure. 2009, whatever happens, whatever is thrown at me, I'm standing by You no matter what. Come what may." 

And all of God's people say.... 

CityCare made me love kids...

This year has been both challenging and eventful. There are events and occurrences that are simply one-time memory, and some that would make a deep impact and change in your life

For the longest time, I was really irritable around children and did not feel comfortable dealing, playing with kids. I felt I was too boring and the kids would not enjoy my company...but CityCare made me love kids! 

It is one thing to tolerate, one thing to love. Was asked to help assist in the teaching of the New S.I.N.G.A.P.O.R.E.A.N curriculum early this year. Was told to lead games and boy, did i failed miserably the first few times. But gradually, with the encouragement and tips from Veron and Yuzhen, felt more comfortable and grasp the way to hold children's attention and interest. 

After a while, had the privileged to teach a few lessons. One wouldn't know how one is being received until the recipient feed backs. Towards to end of the curriculum, while walking into the school, the kids started to shout "Mr.Kuay!" It took sometime to sink in, but you realise that these kids actually like you, and misses you! Bizarre! Astounded and flabbergasted. You could see a bunch of naughty kids slowly sitting down and listening to you talk, able to reply your questions, giving you a sense of respect and expecting fun from you. It does something to your soul. It unlocks a certain unformed aspect in your inner core as a person. Now looking at kids playing along the streets, walking around, stirs that inner aspect in my life. Never thought I would find it, but I love to carry babies, walk children, play catch and bringing kids to the toilet. What happened? Love came into my life. 

I should really thank CityCare. People ask me why I fight hard for this non-profit organisation. Because I see the bigger picture, they are really changing lives, one at a time; and its worthwhile. I never expected to be recognized as the Caretayst of the Year and rewarded with an iPod Classic. We don't serve to be recognized, but thanks guys!  

Next post: What I learnt in 2008.

Sarah McLachlan sings John Lennon's Happy Christmas (War is Over)

A rather appropriate Christmas Song for the now...

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now... 

Dear reader(s)...

Dear Reader(s),

                            How are you doing? I would like to be a responsible blogger and make known to you that I have tons of blog entries I would like to enter. But December being a hectic month, I have frequently got home past 12 in the morning, turning on my computer thinking of blogging, but to my extend, lying down on my bed has proved detrimental to this affair. Do NOT ask whether I had bathe at times, such unsightly mannerism, which I am due guilty of. 

To keep things in line, I shall list out some mattters of which I would like to jot down in this splendid blog that you, or all of you, could, at your own pleasure, delight yourself in reading. 

- What I have learnt this year...

- Passion

- George

- Sun is back! 

Alternatively, you may find reprieve in my Facebook account, as I would upload pictures of my exploits on the road, as my phone allows. That would be swell for you to see. 

So tally forth, and here's a cup of tea and biscuits, wishing you a jolly good Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

Ta ta for now. 

In his Majesty's service,

                                         Howard  

A war is brewing...

First it was Secret Invasion...

Now Dark Reign has begun...

And soon...War of Kings. 

Civil War to Secret Invasion drew battle lines apart. Alliances are re-drawn. Status quo has changes. 2009 is gonna be interesting.  

Why I still need my laptop...

Trying to enter a post with my Blackberry phone. Realised that it's better for short texting. Your brain automatically string short sentences with it. Not for long texting it seems. Waiting for Alex, Kern, Ping Ying, victor and Annie to show up. Happy birthday Alex! It's going to be a good one!

The end of a war is always felt on the bed...

Just got back home not long ago. After Sunday service and prayer meeting, went off to set up and run our inaugural NUS "Gastrono-athlon!!!" 2008 Night cycling event! Overall I think it went ok, with lots to learn and improve on, but good effort on first try. Will blog in greater detail about this. 

Right after the event, and a Macdonalds meal later, returned the bicyles to shop and went straight off for 2 work meetings at FXT. I don't know what was holding me up, was struggling to keep awake; thankfully able to perform and not look too bad infront of the organisation. After which went over to Suntec to pick up some accesories for my phone then home to bed. Felt weird trying to sleep, mentally knowing that you're tired, yet restless cause its only 6 plus. 

Got a meeting tomorrow at 9! Gotta sleep, where's the sheep, need to count, not to hound! 

Thanks a lot to Kynneth, Donn, Jay Dee, Chang Han, Joseph, Yuan Tai, Quanhan, and Geraldine who really went beyond themselves to help and make the above event come to past. 

Photos are up! View them at <http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=52438&l=c0eb1&id=751532403> and <http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=52457&l=b8927&id=751532403>

"Gastrono-athlon!!!" Recee trip

Just got back this morning from a run-through of the Night Cycling "Gastro-athlon!!!" route. The route is gonna be fun, with tons of visual surprises and promises that you will experience Singapore in a different "light!" 

We're looking at a low intensity route of 65 km and it took me 8 hours and 15 mins to finish, at an average speed of 12km/h, a leisure pace that we will be traveling along.  

Here's some highlights of the route; 

Starting at East Coast Park, we will be going along the back hangar/landing grounds of Changi Airport; 

-> Rest point #1: Changi Village

->Rest point #2: ??? (Surprise!)

-> Rest Point #3: Simpang Bedok

-> Towards the City! 

->Rest Point #4: Lau Pa Sat

-> Back to East Coast park

Every rest point is "edible" in a sense.  

Its going to be a scenic route, hitting the roads at times, but very manageable terrain. Tons of fun elements, going through landmarks of Singapore that you will not forget! 

So come for it and invite your friends! 

If you drive and don't wanna cycle, do inform and I can tell you road-by-road in which we will be traveling on and you can drive along with us. 

See you this Sunday!

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NUS-SMU (CHC) will be organizing our first night cycling outreach on the 14 of Dec 2008 (Sunday). 

Name: Gastrono-athlon!!!

Description: Join us for a gastronomical time of food hunting through the night, blazing through the Singapore night trail on bicycle as we clear each turn and bent advancing routes in search of good food that opens at night! Your legs will be sore, but your stomach will roar! 

Style: Night Cycling + Food Trail

Starting point + ending Point: East Coast Parkway

Cost: About S$15 (Bicycle rental)+ Own food expenses

   Meeting Point: 5 pm East Coast Park Macdonalds (behind) 

Flag off timing: Starting with a picnic at East Coast Park, will flag off at 5.30pm, 14 Dec 2008 (Tentative)

End time: 6.00 am, 15 Dec 2008 (Monday) (Tentative, Approximate)

 My ride for the night

Long and winding East Coast Park Connectors

Changi Coast Rd (Backend of Changi Airport Run-way)

Changi Village

Towards the City!

Lau Pa Sat

The Sky at 6am

The Sky at 7 am

Sun-Rise at 7.10 am. Beautiful. Worth-it! 

p.s In reference to my previous blog-post, thanks to Amanda Faith being the first caller to me at 1:19 am and Peter Choong second at 2:07 am. I also have an unknown person called Bee SMSed me using Singtel SMS chat, telling me he/she has read my blog and is just checking on me but I don't know who he/she is. Thanks peeps! You really made the night alone more fun!  

Going out soon...

Heading out soon to recee for Sunday's Night Cycling Event, "Gastro-athlon!!!" Will be taking a bike out alone to go through the route and plan for best and worse case scenarios. 

If you're reading this and today is the 10th Dec night or 11th Morning (12 am - 6 am), feel free to give me a call at <96257947> and ask where on earth in Singapore I am. Will give you a "live" update and maybe tell you a joke...

I have about 3 blog entries "swimming" in my mind...will blog them down when I'm free.

"Up, up and away!" - Superman  

Night out with "Nelly" the Bicycle

Was feeling a little under-the-weather and needed some time alone. Needed to do something different. Something I love yet have not done for a long time. Relive some old passion to insert some happiness into my life. 

Memories of an old friend I haven't talked to for a long time flooded my head. An old passion I put aside for years because I was "too busy," and "didn't have time for." Decided to go to mom's place to pick up Nelly the bicycle. Yes, I name everything that is dear to me, brings another level of closeness doesn't it? 

I have a deep passion for cycling. It's one of those rare sports that I can do for hours, long distance, and my heart will race everytime I see a bicycle traveling along the road. No road tax, no ERP, no insurance, just pure leg power, man and machine having a great time. 

Took Nelly out for a night trip while praying. Great combination.

 

Meet Nelly the bicycle. A Cannondale SuperV1000 FR. Sexy. 

Started off at 12.40 am from Geylang Lor 34

Going along Nicoll Highway

Reached City Hall at 12.50 am

Orchard Road at 1.05 am. Look! Christmasy lights!

Blasting Christmas Songs and Charols even at past 1 am through these speakers. Bizzare. 

1.15 am. Head of Tanglin Road. Turn-about point. 

Sitting at Tangs. Cornetto Chocolate McFlurry taste best at 1.30 in the morning. 

Nelly posing at the Singapore Art Museum

At one of my fav Mee Goreng place. (Although the standard has dropped dramatically.)

Nelly happy to be home. 

Isolation.

I like being alone. Being alone helps me to think, allows me to see events and happenings clearer and it gives me a sense of peace and calm. 

In this exam period, after Asia Conference, I have been meeting friends and going out less. Felt that I have reverted to the introverted person I was a few years ago. In between studying, been slotting in things I like to do; spending time alone in a big bookshop; taking long walks, thinking, talking to myself, praying; eating alone. 

I understand, its easiest to get lost in between the crowd. You feel no one is watching you, no one is thinking who you are, but once in a while, you stop in the midst of all the busyness and you look around, observing, what everyone is doing, where everyone is going to. 

Keeping absolutely quiet in one's soul, in the middle of all the sounds and noise; in that region, you pick up things, learn things, realise things. You're open, and not distracted, focused yet peaceful, your mind floats while your feet is grounded. 

You close your eyes, and images comes into your mind. Pure feelings and events flood your heart. Like a non-linear movie flashing through your mind. You pick up some and try to piece them together; some comes together, some don't. Some makes perfect sense and possibility, some just doesn't. Names, faces comes into your mind, one by one, accompanied by a picture, a scene. Sometimes I know what to do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I act, sometimes its clear I have to wait. Somethings its so clear, sometimes its murky. 

This keeps me sane. Thank God. 

Liberation...soon...

One more paper on Thursday, then its ho-hum-wee-to-the-li-li-liberated! 

"International Politics of Southeast Asia", fascinating subject. Because the region is constantly changing and there's nothing that can sum up or fully describe the history and balance-of-power this region survives and strives on. Ever changing. Ever confrontational. Ever avoiding. The nexus and dynamics, when every country screams for economic liberation, while terrorist are lurking in our back-yards. ASEAN believes it can be more intrusive, yet maintaining non-interference in member states. Only in this region can you find such a dynamic, contradicting, conflicting, confusing yet geo-strategically promising region filled with farmers, economic giants, terrorist, fundamentalist, the willing, the crazy, the power-mongers and the fiercest mafia one can ever find. 

Fascinating. 

Went to see my professor for consultation, and it turned into a pep-talk on how I can do better, how my marks should be reflective and indicative of how I perform in class. He drew examples of his honours students and I thought, "I'm not sure if I can or would do honours year." He was hard on me, and walking out of his office, it made me think. All the time in his class he had only been nice to me, and here he is, challenging me, showing a different side of himself to me in private. The no-nonsense, man to man harsh encouragement. 

I cannot let him down. I gotta try my best to score well in this exams.

Been thinking a lot these few days, taking long walks, pondering...There's really so much we can do in life, and also so much we don't know. The differential can be either fear or faith. Profit or lost. An economic chart on profit or lost looks the same on first glance, the space in between the arcs are the same, whether declared profit or lost. The only different is, which point demarks profit and lost. 

God's grace is amazing. He allows us to declare whether that space in our lives are profit or lost to us. Faith or fear, we decide. That space could be the crippling factor, or the reason for trying new things. God allows us to move the axis, rename points and regardless how big the space in between our two arcs, God draws His unitary demand and supply within it and we're always progressive. 

Everything in life is a variable, only God and our lives are the only constant.